Its a conundrum we all face each day. Our widely held ethics, and morals teach us that we should not judge others, lest we be judged, yet, every day, we do. Why, when its observably not a good idea on either side? It can create acrimony, misunderstanding, and lowering of self esteem. I can tell you that part of it is because of some very old hard wired stuff, that is a simple survival skill.
We see something we do not understand, and we seek to do so; because understanding it means we might just have some control over it. We might be able to fear it less. Our curiosity, and our need to feel safe and secure, demand this of us. It comes from the darkest part of our natures, and extends back much further than any language. We have to know what, and who, we are looking at, to know whether we should flee from danger, approach with confidence, or treat something as prey. We carry this same thing buried deep in us, functioning still.
Its a curious and dangerous thing, this. This overarching need to know. We have to be able to codify, compartmentalize, and otherwise control the things and the people outside of ourselves.
Our families, and our friends get a pass. We trust them and their motivations enough. that we can forgive, and ignore those lapses we might otherwise refuse to accept. But its with the stranger that this behavior most often expresses in a negative way. Strangers are looked upon with skepticism, and fear. We do not know them, so they are potentially dangerous. So, we relegate people we see into boxes. We place them in categories, and by doing so, diminish their power over us. Its not a pretty aspect of our natures, but its real. Sure, not everyone out there actually feels fear among strangers; but this is the most important thing: we still react as though we do. It takes an ongoing and conscious decision to keep this knee jerk response at bay. To refuse to judge.
I have spent close to three years talking about the language of Attire, here, and on facebook. I'm not here doing so to create further ways for us to separate ourselves, but rather to find ways to join us together. There is so much we have in common, regardless of race, culture, religion, sexuality or politics. We really are a huge, and diverse family. We all want the same things for our lives. We want love, acceptance, assurance, friendship, fun, joy, and a sense of continuation. We can all have these things. We can; without denying them to others.
We see something we do not understand, and we seek to do so; because understanding it means we might just have some control over it. We might be able to fear it less. Our curiosity, and our need to feel safe and secure, demand this of us. It comes from the darkest part of our natures, and extends back much further than any language. We have to know what, and who, we are looking at, to know whether we should flee from danger, approach with confidence, or treat something as prey. We carry this same thing buried deep in us, functioning still.
Our families, and our friends get a pass. We trust them and their motivations enough. that we can forgive, and ignore those lapses we might otherwise refuse to accept. But its with the stranger that this behavior most often expresses in a negative way. Strangers are looked upon with skepticism, and fear. We do not know them, so they are potentially dangerous. So, we relegate people we see into boxes. We place them in categories, and by doing so, diminish their power over us. Its not a pretty aspect of our natures, but its real. Sure, not everyone out there actually feels fear among strangers; but this is the most important thing: we still react as though we do. It takes an ongoing and conscious decision to keep this knee jerk response at bay. To refuse to judge.
The Attire language can be, if utilized with the right frame of mind, a path to that. By looking at others and seeking the points of connection, rather than the things that are different. Or, by seeking out those differences, and allowing ourselves to see them through the eyes of the observed other.
When next you see someone on the street whose apparel confuses or dismays you, stop. Stop and think for a minute. Think about who they may be, and what their concerns might be. Stop and think for a moment about you in their place, you living their world. And suddenly, their choices could seem natural, and just. We are all of us struggling to get through this crazy world. Its only our lack of willingness to see what others are facing, that keeps us apart.
When next you see someone on the street whose apparel confuses or dismays you, stop. Stop and think for a minute. Think about who they may be, and what their concerns might be. Stop and think for a moment about you in their place, you living their world. And suddenly, their choices could seem natural, and just. We are all of us struggling to get through this crazy world. Its only our lack of willingness to see what others are facing, that keeps us apart.
When you dress yourself for your day, you speak to the world around you. Make sure you are saying what you really mean, so that we can move towards more understanding, together.
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